Wounds: Addictions/Compulsive Behavior Control Depression Divorced Families Domestic Substance Abuse Domestic Violence Eating Disorders Grief Loneliness Family/Marriage/Relationships Pornography Rage/Anger Sexual Abuse Singleness Suicide

One of the greatest human fears is being alone. Some people can deal with loneliness better than others based on our family background and personality make-up‚ whether by nature we are an introvert or extravert. I am an introvert so this has added to the loneliness I have struggled with. An irony about very lonely and isolated people is that the thing we want and need the most—intimacy with another person(s)—is the very thing we may consciously and/or unconsciously avoid. We can become so used to being alone and isolated that doing social things becomes so awkward and hard that it is easier to just stay alone. This then adds to our lonely dilemma…we need people‚ yet being around people can be so hard‚ almost impossible sometimes‚ especially for those who after years of loneliness have become "institutionalized" by the loneliness. It can start so slowly. Years and decades before perhaps we were more of a people person‚ but one choice way back then led to another choice. The years then pass by and somehow we have become extremely lonely‚ highly isolated from contact with the human race.

Chronic loneliness and isolation can become unhealthy and even dangerous. Our minds can begin to play tricks on us. If we have slipped into extreme loneliness and isolation we can lose touch with society and forget how to be ourselves and interact with other people. One reason many of us stay lonely and isolated is that it is a "safe" place to stay because no one can hurt us there. We were hurt somehow by someone in the past and we are no longer willing to take the risk to know and be known by others. It is very common for children from abusive‚ broken home backgrounds to drift into deep loneliness and isolation. The twist is that even though we play it safe and stay in our loneliness we are miserable‚ even more miserable than being around people. This misery exists because on some level there is a hidden‚ dead part of us that is craving and crying out for intimacy with another human‚ whether it be for a friend and/or spouse. God made us to be with other people so extreme isolation and loneliness will probably lead to frustration and depression. And these, being frustrated and depressed, can be symptoms of deeper untapped issues. So, loneliness can start and/or be a part of an unhealthy, damaging downward spiral. Are you lonely and isolated?

The following are some things I have done and still try to do to deal with loneliness and isolation:

• Admit we are lonely and need people.
• Ask Jesus Christ to help us make changes to move out of our loneliness.
• Seek out opportunities to be with friends‚ family‚ and people. Even if we have to force ourselves to do it‚ make plans and go be with others. Whether it be church‚ movies‚ athletics‚ singles groups‚ etc.‚ be more social.
• Become intimate with a few special people you can trust and share your life with them.