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The sex drive of human beings is exceptionally powerful! People kill and murder for it. Lives and families are ruined for it. Countries corrode from the inside and collapse because of it. It is no coincidence that our sexual interests and needs are such a vital component of who we are. God designed us this way. Men are made primarily to look at women and women are made primarily to be looked at by men. Men are extremely visual. This is why almost all pornography is geared towards men. Our eyes and sexual arousal are somehow linked together. Being attracted to someone of the opposite sex is normal and healthy. Yet‚ for many if not most men‚ and women‚ innocent glances can quickly convert to thoughts of wanting to have that person and do things sexually—lust. Are you and I in control of our lust or is our lust in control of us?

Pornography can easily be used as a means to escape reality. Those especially vulnerable to the hook of pornography are those who were sexually abused. It should be no surprise that over 90% of men and women who are porn-movie actors were sexually abused. I personally believe 100% of porn-stars were sexually abused to some level but 10% were so traumatized by the abuse that they repressed the horrible memories so they said they were not sexually abused in the survey. Sexual addicts use sex/pornography to control now what they could not control as a child or young person-the sexual abuse‚ physical abuse or whatever hurt them in their past. It is clear that many people become addicted to pornography just like it were drugs or alcohol. We release hormones and brain chemicals and get a rush from sexual arousal and release. We can use this rush as an escape from past and present pain‚ stress‚ fear of intimacy‚ etc. Some people are so afraid of being emotionally and sexually intimate and vulnerable with another person that they will choose false intimacy through pornography. Pornography is commonly used as a means to have emotionally distant "safe" sex with a pornographic image because there is no risk of intimacy‚ vulnerability and rejection. So‚ the combination of an emotionally wounded past‚ our natural sex drive and our sinful nature can create a lethal addiction to pornography and sexually addictive compulsive behavior.

Throughout my adult life I have had mild to moderate struggles with pornography. I have never struggled to the point of visiting porn-stores or purchasing magazines and videotapes. Yet‚ I am vulnerable when it falls into my path through e-mails and the Internet. And when I am going through a difficult time emotionally with depression‚ anger‚ loneliness‚ etc.‚ this is when I can be an open target. The following are some things that have helped other men and myself in dealing with pornography and lust. Please note‚ if you have been a frequent user of pornography for many months or years‚ you seriously need to consider getting special help from a Professional Christian Counselor.

• Ask Jesus Christ to come into the lust and pornography. Praying and studying the Bible can bring spiritual power into our lives‚ helping us to deal with and control our lust and pornography struggles. We also need to repent of viewing pornography and for our lust because these behaviors and decisions are wrong and damaging to us and others. We need to confess our sins of lust and viewing porn‚ receive God's forgiveness and cleansing and not do it anymore‚ as that is what repent means…to turn away from our sin‚ leave it behind‚ and change our behavior and thought processes.
• Seek out trusted people to be accountable to. Every person needs a friend to talk to‚ especially about our sexuality. Finding a friend‚ group‚ Bible study‚ Pastor‚ Counselor‚ etc.‚ to intentionally talk with and be accountable to is a must.
• Immediately throw out all pornography. If your e-mail and computer is too much of a temptation‚ then change e-mails and get safety guards on your computer. Have a friend come and check your computer randomly. I changed my e-mail provider because the Spam contained so much porn.
• Allow yourself to be sexual. What I mean is stuffing and repressing our God given sexuality may actually reinforce our struggle and in a sense pour gasoline on the fire of our sexuality‚ lust and pornography struggles. What I have learned‚ and am still learning‚ is that it is perfectly normal and healthy to desire sex. Needing sex is fine and should not be labeled as dirty or sinful. And until marriage we shouldn't stuff our sexual feelings but rather give ourselves permission to desire a sexual partner while not crossing that line into lust‚ pornography and any type of acting out.
• Why do you use pornography? What is the real motive? Is it a conscious or unconscious motive? Are you trying to escape something or someone? If you continue to not gain control of lust and pornography‚ I suggest contacting a Professional Christian Counselor to talk about it with. Review the resources on the Wounded Heart homepage.