Do you know anyone who is a homosexual? I do, as I have friends or acquaintances who are gay men or lesbian women. Homosexuality is a growing lifestyle choice throughout the entire world, and I am curious as to why people are choosing this way of life. The following are some of my personal thoughts on this area, along with some basic statistical research gathered over the years. I am not extensively educated or studied in the area of homosexuality, nor is it a major focus in my ministry; however, after two decades of ministry serving the Lord and people, I try to be a continual learner of how people operate.…our thoughts, emotions, and choices, both conscious and subconscious. Since homosexuality has become so common, it is important for me to try and understand as best I can what underlying “things” play a part in a man or woman “feeling” attracted to the same sex so strongly they choose to enter the homosexual lifestyle.

In my late teens, right before I gave my life to Jesus Christ, I was in a strange phase of life. My sexual identity was a part of this foggy time. I was very confused about many things, and was using alcohol and drugs in an attempt to “hide” the twisting thoughts and feelings I was experiencing about God, death, people, sex, women, and about “life.” For a few years I began feeling very uncomfortable around attractive women, but I had no idea why. This was beyond just “normal” nervousness and was at times almost paralyzing. I began to wonder, “Am I gay?… is this why I am so uncomfortable around pretty girls?” But it didn’t take long to realize I wasn’t attracted to men, but to women, and that the issue was actually in my sexual identity as a person and as a man. This is what I learned…my sexuality and identity as a man and as a person had been broken and “stunted” by many things, but primarily by two things: sexual abuse I experienced as a boy by two men outside my family, and by an emotionally distant and alcoholic father (you can read my story about abuse recovery at this link Sexual Abuse). As a result of these things, one of the symptoms of my broken sexual identity was strong awkwardness around women I was attracted to. Once the Lord revealed this truth, the healing began, but so did the digging as God dug deeper and deeper into my issues. Over time, however, this led to freedom and wholeness both as a person, and as a man.

On a global scale, various research and data estimate between 5-10% of men and women are actively homosexual, or at least have experimented in homosexuality to some degree. An even higher percentage of people have entertained thoughts of homosexuality. It is actually “normal” for us to wonder about this because we are confronted with it on a regular basis. There are those who say some people are “born” homosexual, that it is genetic. My personal opinion is that our environment is the primary explanation, especially the family atmosphere in which we were raised.

Here is a classic example of the background of homosexual men, and women, but more so with men. I have had face-to-face conversations over the years with several gay men, and EVERY single one of them had the same general background:

A little boy is raised in the atmosphere of an emotionally distant, voided, and/or absentee father. God made children to have a strong emotional connection to both parents, and if one or both parents are not “fully” present, especially during the first seven years of a child’s life, the primary formative years, you can know for sure that child is going to “feel” some kind of void. The scary thing is, they don’t even know it, as this void is initially subconscious. So a little boy seeks out his daddy’s love and emotional intimacy through attention-seeking opportunities, such as physical affection and connection (by physical I am not in any way referring to sexual connection, but rather a father hugging, kissing, wrestling, etc, with his son when he is little). That little boy is on a continual subconscious pursuit to establish and deepen his love connection with his father, but the father, for whatever reason, does not allow it. That boy then grows into a young man, and what is he still doing? That’s right…still pursuing a love connection with his dad, but now, when puberty and his sex drive kick in, his need to connect with his dad can become “sexualized.” What seems to happen to many boys, now young men, is their “wires” become crossed and that initial desire to have a love connection with their daddy as a baby and little boy somehow transforms into a desire to be romantic and sexual with a man…in an attempt to finally fill the “daddy” void they have been desperately trying to fill their entire lives. Basically, homosexuals are looking for “daddy’s and/or mommy’s” love in their homosexual partner. The big problem is that homosexuality will NEVER fill the void and fix the problem, it only falsely “medicates” and numbs the pain temporarily. The same holds true for women, who as little girls did not have both parents connecting with them in a healthy way, primarily the father, as he is the one called by God to do the primary “calling out” of the blossoming internal feminine part of the young girl now growing into a woman. There are no cut and dry, black and white answers because homosexuality and all its components are very complex. But, one thing I am 100% confident about is this: every homosexual man and woman had one or both parents who did not fulfill their individual roles in laying the initial emotional and physical love foundation in the identity of their children, thus leaving a void. For many, this void can “bend” children who grow into adults “bent” in the direction of homosexuality. A choice is then made to give in and go the direction they are bent, and the man or woman makes a CHOICE to dabble with or become a homosexual.

The Bible teaches God created men to be sexually attracted to women and vice versa. One thing I appreciate about God is we can be honest with Him. He can handle our truest thoughts, emotions, and motives, and, if we are willing, God will “realign” and “untwist” any of our thoughts, emotions, and motives that are not within His best plan for us. The Bible teaches all sexual activity out of marriage is below God’s best for us; this includes homosexuality. Anything we choose to be involved in that is less than God’s best for us, especially when it comes to sex outside the marriage of one man with one woman, is called sin in the Bible. The word sin means we have “missed the mark.” We have all sinned, it just happens that some of us have chosen some sins over others, and perhaps you have chosen homosexuality.

With respect and care, I want to say that on some level homosexuals “sense” something is not quite right, that homosexuality is not truly fulfilling the deepest needs of their hearts. They know there is still a void within them that needs to be filled. I have great news though, because if you are willing, you can fill that empty place with God’s love and forgiveness, replacing despair with hope. You can give your life, your heart, and your homosexuality to Jesus Christ right now. He will give you the power to change, but, the CHOICE is yours! Here are steps you can begin taking right now that will help you, if you are willing, to change from being a homosexual to a heterosexual: